Honest Reality

When I was told that I had cancer, I told the Lord that I wanted to be an example to others how Christians can face adversity. Over the course of my ministry I have seen many Christians who reacted like they should be exempt from adversity, even to the point of struggling with their relationship with God. I’ve also witnessed the opposite; a super-Christian type of reaction to the point of almost denying their reality. Understand, I am not putting myself in a position of judging their relationship with God. Each of us deals with life in our unique way. But in this post I feel that I need to be very honest with myself and others who have been following my journey.

I am on my second regimen of chemotherapy, following a protocol of radiation and chemo before surgery, a radical surgery a year ago, a recurrence of stage 3 cancer that metasticized and is not curable, and several months of setbacks. Terms like “lifespan” and “fighting for my life” have taken on new meaning. Everyone who’s ever walked this path knows exactly what I’m talking about. They also know that chemotherapy cumulatively affects the body. Thankfully I’ve had minimal side effects but I find myself dreading the next treatment, the fatigue, carrying around the pump for two “sleeps”, then building back up to do it all over again every two weeks. This will continue for the rest of my life unless God supernaturally intervenes, which we continue to pray that He does. I’m not writing this for pity or sympathy. On the contrary, I trust the Lord more today than I did when I was diagnosed. I’m writing this to admit that even with the absolute trust during adversity, Christ-followers can become weary and I’m being honest in my reality. 

As I write this, tomorrow is chemo day. But there is a bright spot. Besides getting a milkshake on the way home for my parched throat, precious friends chose to gift us with supper on chemo days. It’s a wonderful and sacrificial gesture and deeply appreciated. However much more than the delicious gift, I get to look forward to seeing these precious people every other Monday. So even though I don’t look forward to tomorrow’s treatment and it’s subsequent effects, I’m already excited about my post chemo milkshake and the blessing of precious friends. 

May I encourage you to do a couple things? Regardless of your circumstances, place your absolute trust in Jesus. He told us in the Bible that there would be adversity and none of us are exempt. Secondly, amid that trust, be honest with your reality. I tell Jesus how I feel (He already knows), and when I’m honest with Him, I’ve never felt His presence more. I still want to be an example!

“Through many dangers, trials and snares/I have already come/ ‘Tis grace has brought me safe thus far/And grace will lead me home.”