Adverse Anniversary

Two years ago today, I was diagnosed with cancer. Frankly, it’s an anniversary I wish I didn’t have, but I do. It has been quite a journey and I would like to reflect on my journey over these past two years. I apologize in advance if I repeat things I’ve previously shared. 

Prominently in my mind are the things that I have learned. My initial prayer was that I could model for others how Christ-followers handle adversity. I had no idea at the time where this journey would take me. I hope that I’ve been faithful in fulfilling that prayer.

The day after my colonoscopy, my devotional reading was from Psalms 34. I am convinced it was no coincidence:

“I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips. I will glory in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together. I sought the Lord and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered in shame. This poor man called and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. Fear the Lord, you his holy people, for those who fear him lack nothing. The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.” (34:1-10 NIV)

v. 15 - “The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are attentive to their cry.”

v. 17 - “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.”

v. 18 - “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

v. 19a - “The righteous person may have many troubles, but he delivers him from them all;”

That morning was pivotal in my relationship with Jesus. I felt his presence as though he was literally standing beside me, saying, “I got this.” What has followed in these two years was my tutorial in learning what this all meant. I’ve never been closer to the Lord than I am today.

I’ve been using a devotional by Sarah Young, called Jesus Calling.  In this devotional she supposes Jesus saying, “Trust Me. I want your presence with Me.” As we read Scripture, we likewise hear Jesus saying these same things. He wants me to trust Him and to spend quality time with Him.

My expressed desire to model adversity has taken me down a path with twists and turns I didn’t expect. I anticipated not needing surgery, but I did. I didn’t expect having to be home bound for five months, but I was. I didn’t expect needing a heart catheterization during which my heart stopped for eight seconds resulting in a necessary pacemaker insertion, but I did. I didn’t anticipate an abdominal dehiscing which resulted in a 10 day stint at Jameson Care Center, but I did. I thought by that time I would be well on my way enjoying retirement, but I wasn’t. Is this the way I envisioned modeling adversity? I have had other setbacks and still have limited mobility. It’s not what the way I thought it would be.

I don’t know what the future holds. I do know that barring a supernatural intervention, my time is limited. Could it be that my desire to model adversity will include how my life on earth comes to an end? None of us know the answer to my questions. 

I’ve made this statement several times: I’m not glad that I got cancer but I wouldn’t trade what the Lord has done in my life during this time for anything. I’m praying for as much time as possible; but only God has the final say.

As in all my posts, this is not about me. It’s not about wanting pity. Please, please, please pray for people like those for whom I pray daily who have it worse than me. Those just beginning their cancer journey; those who are suffering painful side effects from their treatments; those whose conditions are complicated with other issues; those caregivers who are beside themselves with fatigue and frustration; those recently diagnosed with other terminal illnesses besides cancer; and I could go on and on. 

Today is an adverse anniversary, but my resolve to model that adversity is as strong as it was two years ago today. 

Thanks for reading. To God be the glory!